As promised, here they are. I'd be very interested in hearing which ones resonate with you and what your reactions are. This stuff is so interesting!
1. Everyone doesn't have to love me.
Not everyone has to love me or even like me. I don't necessarily like everyone I know so why should everyone else like me? I enjoy being liked and being loved, but if someone doesn't like me I will still be okay and still feel like I am an okay person. I cannot "make" someone like me any more than someone can get me to like them. I don't need approval all the time. If someone does not approve of me, I will still be okay.
2. It is okay to make mistakes.
Making mistakes is something we all do, and I am still a fine and worthwhile person when I make mistakes. There is no reason for me to get upset when I make a mistake. I am trying and if I make a mistake, I am going to continue trying. I can handle making a mistake. It is okay for others to make mistakes, too. I will accept mistakes in myself and also mistakes that others make.
3. Other people are okay and I am okay.
People who do things I don't like are not necessarily bad people. They should not necessarily be punished just because I don't like what they do or did. There is no reason why another person should be the way I want them to be and there is no reason why I should be the way someone else wants me to be. People will b whatever they want to be, and I will be whatever I want to be. I cannot control other people or change the. They are who they are; we all deserve basic respect and reasonable treatment.
4. I don't have to control things.
I will survive if things are different than what I want them to be. I can accept things the way they are and accept myself the way I am. There is no reason to get upset if I can't change things to fit my idea of how they ought to be. There is no reason why I should have to like everything. Even if I don't like it, I can live with it.
5. I am responsible for my day.
I am responsible for how I feel and for what I do. No one can make me feel anything. If I have a rotten day, I am the one who allowed it to be that way If I have a great day, I am the one who deserves credit for being positive. It is not the responsibility of other people to change so that I can feel better. I am the one who is in charge of my life.
6. I can handle it when things go wrong.
I don't need to watch out for things to go wrong. things usually go just fine, and when they don't, I can handle it. I don't have to waste my energy worrying. The sky won't fall in; things will be okay.
7. It is important to try.
I can. Even though I may be faced with difficult tasks, it is better to try than to avoid them. Avoiding a task does not give me any opportunities for success or joy, but trying does. Things worth having are worth the effort. I might not be able to do everything, but I can do something.
8. I am capable.
I don't need someone else to take care of my problems. I am capable. I can take care of myself. I can make decisions for myself. I can think for myself. I don't have to depend on someone else to take care of me.
9. I can change.
I don't have to be a certain way because of what has happened in the past. Every day is a new day. it's not true to think I can't help being the way I am. Of course I can.
10. Other people are capable.
I can't solve other people's problems for them. I don't have to take on other people's problems as if they were my own. I don't need to change other people or fix up their lives. They are capable and can take care of themselves, and can solve their own problems. I can care and be of some help, but I can't do everything for them.
Sheesh! I see myself in so many of them. But like #9 says, I can change! Sorry if this is too much touchy-feely stuff. More funny stories and cute kids later. Oh, and there's no indication on the handout what this is from, but if you want to know the source, I can ask the powers that be at Crazy School.
Great list. I had to figure a lot of these out on my own. It would have helped a lot to hear them as a teenager.
ReplyDeleteI've seen a rather pervasive mindset in a lot of Christian people, where they seem to sit around waiting to be blessed and then give all of the credit to God when something good happens or when they have a good day. While it's important to give credit to God, it is also important to acknowledge your power in your life to MAKE things happen. It can be destructive to constantly have an "attitude of gratitude" to ignore pain and avoid working on issues, and it can create a passive approach to life. We are here to figure things out, to find out what we can do with this mess, and realize there is no ONE WAY to be happy. We are all different, we all have different methods, and we are all powerful in some way. You are, Emily. You are so powerful.
ReplyDeleteThis is awesome, Em. Holy cow, so awesome. I agree with Evelyn, I wish I had understood these earlier in my life so they didn't affect me so much now. I'm so glad you're posting what you're learning, I am gaining a ton from your notes!
ReplyDeleteHi Emily, I am a friend of Evelyn and I am so grateful she led me to this list today. I have children who experienced a lot of trauma in their early lives and they need this list YESTERDAY. It is exactly what I have been trying to teach them, all neatly summed up. I hope you don't mind - I am going to share one belief a day with them. I hope they can can understand even a little of the wisdom here! Thank you so much for sharing!!!
ReplyDeleteHa, I just read this while in the midst of a mild anxiety attack and it made me laugh/cry. I make mistakes (like today) and I can handle when things go wrong (like right now). Thanks for sharing.
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